I was driving into the office the other morning when a familiar phrase came to mind.
“To be, or not to be, that is the question.”
William Shakespeare wrote those words more than 400 years ago in his famous play Hamlet. Like most people, I've probably heard them hundreds of times, but for some reason, that morning I started thinking about what they actually meant.
In the play, Hamlet is wrestling with tragedy, uncertainty, and whether to endure life's suffering or escape it. His struggle also raises a timeless question about how our thoughts and fears can prevent us from taking action.
Four hundred years later, I wonder how much has really changed.
We all face decisions. Some are insignificant, while others can change the direction of our lives. And I suspect we've all spent more time than necessary contemplating whether we should do something, often finding plenty of reasons why now isn't the right time.
Throughout my career, I've been fortunate to receive a lot of advice. Some of it I've listened to, and some I've ignored. One of the best pieces of business advice I ever received came from a mentor who, when I was struggling with an opportunity, simply said, “Like Nike, just do it.”
His point wasn't to be reckless. It was to stop overanalyzing every opportunity and become more comfortable saying yes.
It reminds me of the 2008 Jim Carrey comedy Yes Man. Carrey plays Carl Allen, a man who has developed a habit of saying no to practically everything. After attending a motivational seminar, he decides to say yes to every opportunity that comes his way.
Some of those decisions lead to wonderful experiences, while others create complete disasters. But by the end of the movie, he learns an important lesson. The answer isn't to say yes to everything. It's to stop allowing fear, habit, and uncertainty to make our decisions for us.
I've found that to be true in my own life.
Should I apply to speak at that conference? Make that phone call? Hire my first employee? Invest in a partnership? Join a board? Attend a meeting? Take that trip with friends?
There are always reasons to say no.
I'm too busy. The timing isn't right. Cash flow is tight. I have too many commitments. Maybe next year.
But here's something I've learned along the way.
The more often you say yes, the better you become at knowing when to say no.
Some of my best decisions started with a relatively quick yes. So did some of my worst.
I've often joked that my best investment ever was real estate, and my worst investment ever was real estate. Both statements are true. But I learned something valuable from each experience, and those lessons have helped me make better decisions ever since.
Early in my career, I had a tendency to overcommit. I said yes to boards, committees, volunteer organizations, and opportunities to get involved. Those experiences introduced me to remarkable people, expanded my perspective, and opened doors I might never have known existed.
But they also came at a cost. Time away from family, time away from business, and sometimes time committed to things that weren't necessarily the best fit.
Over the years, those experiences taught me to ask two important questions before committing.
First, do I believe in the mission? Is this something I genuinely care about and want to contribute to?
Second, and perhaps equally important, who are the people I'll be working alongside?
I've learned that even the most worthwhile cause can become frustrating when the people involved don't share similar values, philosophies, or expectations. Conversely, working alongside great people can make an already worthwhile experience extraordinary.
Those lessons didn't come from sitting on the sidelines. They came from participating, making mistakes, building relationships, and occasionally wishing I'd said no.
And that brings me back to Shakespeare.
Recently, we unexpectedly lost a client in her mid-50s following an accident. It was tragic, unexpected, and a reminder that the future we spend so much time planning for is never guaranteed.
In my profession, we spend a great deal of time helping people prepare for tomorrow. Retirement, financial independence, travel, family, and all the things they hope to experience someday.
But moments like that remind me that while planning for tomorrow is important, actually living today is equally important.
We are incredibly fortunate to have the opportunities we have. Opportunities to build businesses, develop relationships, travel, contribute to our communities, and spend time with the people who matter most.
And yet, how often do we postpone those experiences because we're waiting for a better time?
Perhaps that's what struck me most about Hamlet's question. Human beings have wrestled with uncertainty, fear, opportunity, and the consequences of our decisions for centuries. This isn't a modern problem or something unique to our generation or our circumstances.
It's simply part of being human.
I don't believe the answer is to say yes to everything. I've learned the hard way that time is too valuable for that. But I do believe there's something to be said for making thoughtful decisions a little more quickly, taking a few more chances, and being willing to experience things even when the outcome isn't guaranteed.
Because life is fleeting, and time is short.
We don't control how much time we're given, but we have a tremendous amount of influence over how we choose to spend it.
Maybe the question isn't simply whether to be or not to be.
Maybe the more important question is how we choose to be, and what we're willing to do with the time we have.
Mark J. Modzeleski, CFS®, CLTC®, AIF®
President, Legacy Wealth Advisors of NY